The Lost Art of Nose Blowing

Kids can’t blow their noses for shit. They’re just horrible at it. I remember being surprised when Linus could seemingly do lots of big kid things, but still couldn’t blow his nose. But that was like four years ago, and he still can’t blow his nose for crap. Oh, he can do it, if you prompt him and manage his nostril air flow and all that. But left to his own devices he’d have boogers the size of meatloafs in there. They’re hanging out of his nose and you can tell he can’t breathe at all and still it never crosses his mind to blow his nose. And if you tell him to blow his nose he doesn’t get a good seal, so air comes out the mouth and both nostrils. After we finish clearing him out I show him the results and say “Dude! You’ve got to blow your nose more often!” But he just shrugs and walks away. What a bother hygiene and oxygen are to today’s ungrateful, besnotted youth! The line between “kid” and “not kid” can be a very blurry one, and being a parent only blurs the line more. I’ve found that line is not defined by whether your child can beat you at video games, or can do long division, or throw a curveball. It is defined by when they can effectively blow their own nose.

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4 Responses to The Lost Art of Nose Blowing

  1. Samantha says:

    Well, I have taken quite a close look on your website and I must say that I find it extraordinarily interesting.

  2. kelly says:

    Ah Samantha and A. Robot; your PR efforts must be working. Apparently no one else is excited about snot; but I will post a revealing suggestion. The ‘farmers blow’. Ordinarily disgusting to many adults, when I was a little boy, it was AWESOME. The reason I suggest it, is twofold. First, his nose is a mess anyway. Two, by having to close off one nostril to get the velocity he will need he’ll accidentally learn the mechanics of a good kleenex assist. It can be fun!

    Plus it will be really funny for at least the first 20 attempts before you are petrified of him doing it in public.

  3. bs says:

    and then he’ll blow out his ear drum, and who will linus have to thank for his lifetime of diminished hearing?

  4. kelly says:

    Well the guy who i like to think of as his ‘crazy uncle’ out West; as i and no one else thinks of him of course. It’s true that I blew out my ears a little later in life but somehow I think it will eventually help us bond; plus both of us would breathe freely.

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