Props to Pipeline Person PaulH for forwarding this story about real-life superheroes, or “reals”. My favorite is Citizen Prime, strictly because of the use of the word “Prime” in the name. It suggests a potent combination of beef and mathematical significance, which I think we can all agree are two important attributes for any superhero.
Naturally, after I read that story I was tempted to concoct my own superhero persona and getup. Unfortunately, I don’t have $4000 to shell out on custom-made armor or a phatass Corvette. Nor do I look particularly good in lycra.
Worst of all, I don’t know any martial arts, although in middle school my friends Clinton and Charlie and I somehow obtained a martial arts magazine and ordered an arsenal of throwing stars, nunchucks, and terrycloth bath robes. This led to a bizarre three month fascination with hurling throwing stars at the back of my garage, among other things, and in retrospect it’s remarkable that only the garage was seriously injured. That said, a throwing star makes for a bad weapon if it’s the only weapon you have, because it’s harmful enough to really piss somebody off, but typically not lethal enough to disable them unless you hit them in the jugular or groin. And what kind of superhero would hit somebody in the groin with a throwing star? Crotchman?