I’m speaking, of course, of the Dance Dance Revolution that has been going on in our basement since Christmas. Jane and I thought it would be a good cardio workout we could do at home that, unlike other cardio workouts, might actually be fun. It was a smart purchase, as it is an effective low-impact workout tool that the entire family enjoys.
It’s even arguable that it has increased our dancing proficiency, though I’m grading myself on the “lost cause” curve in that regard. Jane approaches DDR as though she’s actually dancing, whereas I approach it like a football tire drill. Both methods are effective, if not necessarily approaches that would be win any talent contests. The song selections do leave something to be desired, as it’s a little heavy on techno dance music. Go figure. But there are some highlights, including Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” and “Girls Just Want To Have Fun”, which is Lily’s new favorite song.
Lily’s criteria for determining her favorite song is whether a girl is singing on it. She likes to rifle through the record collection and find anything with pink on the cover, then bring it to me and ask if a girl sings on it. Pink =’s girls, you see. I have explained many times that just because a record has pink on it doesn’t mean a girl sings on it, but she is insistent. At least once a week I have to explain that, no, there are no girls singing on Cream’s “Disraeli Gears” or Ween’s “God Ween Satan”, though both are records worthy of her consideration later in her life. Fortunately I don’t own any Pink records, which I fear would be confusing in the extreme.
Another song on the DDR is the Buggles’ “Video Killed the Radio Star”. Say, did you know that was the first video ever played on MTV? Little-known fact.
I’m joking, obviously. If you didn’t know that was the first video played on MTV I pity you, and probably need to explain that MTV stands for “Music Television”. The true pop-culture trivia hipster will sometimes then drop the next level of trivia, that Pat Benetar’s “You Better Run” was the second video played on MTV. But I’m going to take it to the next level and reveal that Rod Stewart’s “She Won’t Dance” was the third video ever played on MTV’s debut day, August 1, 1981. But don’t bother following the link, because the video sucks ass. I just put it there to establsh the bona fides of my claim.
Fortunately, there are no Pat Benetar or Rod Stewart 80’s era songs on our version of DDR, which is actually called Dance Dance Revolution SuperNova. I believe it’s called this because if you can actually complete the hardest songs on the most difficult levels, you will literally implode in a ball of fire and become a black hole. Fortunately, that’s not going to be happening in our basement anytime soon. At best we might generate a solar flare or two.
Unfortunately, in the next couple of weeks I’m only going to be a DDR spectator, as I severely sprained my foot today playing basketball. It looks like I have a polish sausage wrapped around part of my foot. At least I didn’t sprain it playing DDR, which would make me feel like a complete ass. I’m treating the sprain with ice, elevation, prayer, and healthy amounts of Vicodin left over from the Kidney Stone Troubles of summer 2006.
When they first gave me a large bottle of Vicodin I was pretty excited. I mean, if it’s good enough for Brett Favre, it’s good enough for me, right? However, while I found the Vicodin to be reasonably helpful in dealing with pain, it was marginal to me in terms of being a recreational drug. It just sort of makes you numb and slow, and it’s highly addictive. Pills just aren’t my thing, I guess, something for which I’m thankful.
Plus, Vicodin causes long, rambling blog entries. It has been clinically proven in studies on monkeys and lab rats.